Grateful

Well its been a few months since I've updated (yikes!) but I thought I would dedicate this post to what I've been thinking, worrying, loving, being sick about, and absolutely grateful for!

Were expecting our first healthy baby April 29th!!!

To say I'm ecstatic is an under statement. Adam and I have been praying and praying to be pregnant with a healthy baby for the last 3 years and are so grateful that we are now. When we found out I was pregnant I was too sick to jump up and down with joy but I was screaming with excitement inside. I have been really sick for the last several months and some days it was a challenge to get out of bed. That's how I knew I was pregnant and that this one would be different. I had been sick with my other pregnancies but this time I was really sick. My stomach was growing a little but I was losing weight. I've lost 15 pounds and have just lingered there. Because I'm heavy I feel like I have enough fat to give my baby! I don't need to gain no 30 pounds :) I've been proud of myself for not eating my whole house like some days I want to. We make sure to not have a single item of junk food in our house so that has saved me. I am now past most of the sickness thank goodness! Some things that I should probably note just for fun:

• I gag when I brush my teeth all the time. I take that back, I gag at everything. Its embarrassing. I was at dinner and smelled something gross and started to dry heave. I was also grocery shopping once and the same thing happened. Theres not an easy way to cover that up, I'm just glad I didn't actually throw up in public
• I felt the baby move back when I was just about 12 weeks or so and have felt funny fluttering ever since
• I don't crave anything in particular but have been constantly thirsty and love really salty foods like pickles :)
• I haven't been able to get good sleep so I sleep with about 4 pillows
• I am always tired and always have headaches
• I don't look pregnant yet but I can feel that I'm growing and my stomach is getting tougher
• I can't have heavy meat or fatty foods, I feel sick almost instantly afterwards.
• I feel like I have to pee every hour...I wish I could hold it but this baby won't let me

I'm 18 weeks along and we find out the sex of the baby in our NEXT VISIT!! It doesn't seem real!! I don't care what we have and I don't have any idea what we are having. I will be happy with whatever we have. I think that having a girl would be more fun to dress up but then I quickly remember little boy suits, missionary tags, cute bow ties and I realize I really don't care :) More than anything I want this baby to be healthy. I have been worrying so much about the health of the baby because I've been sick non stop since being pregnant. Once I started taking Unisom and Vitamin B the morning sickness subsided for the most part but then I was knocked down with a bad flu that lasted a while. Once that was over I had probably 2 days of normal than I was knocked down with a horrible cold, sore throat and flu again. There's just lots of sickness going around so I need to be careful (its hard when I want to kiss all over those sick children!). I'm feeling back to normal now...thank goodness because I'm now working full time as a receptionist for my dad. I have to get up pretty early to start the day but it feels good to be doing something with my time and to be earning some extra money.

Heres some pictures of our sweet baby~!! *These were at 14 weeks so I've grown since then but this is all we have until our next visit*

 This was my favorite part...the heartbeat. Listening to it was the most amazing thing ever! I was laughing because I was so excited but I had tears in my eyes too...it was such a cool feeling! I was so so so relieved and happy that the babys heartbeat was healthy and consistant.

I'm so grateful that my Heavenly Father entrusts me to raise one of his children on this earth. Its a scary thing to think about the world we live in but I'm so grateful for the oppurtunity to raise this child in what I know to be the one and only true Church. I know that it is only if I heed to the counsels of the prophet and leaders of the church and truly live the gospel that I will be a successful mother. I also know that I will make mistakes and feel sometimes that I'm worthless. I've felt the dark feelings of doubt and dispair and I know that those feelings don't come from God. I'm so grateful for the wonderful mothers in my life that have laid out the perfect road map of motherhood and the many struggles and triumphs that come with it. I'm looking forward to the baby bump, my first maternity pants, holding and smelling my baby, taking naps with him/her, showing her off wherever I go. I just can't wait!!!